Memories of Now
by crazy alligator
Summary: He remembered it to remind himself that he was only a person, and at the end of the day, he could only weep when he was overwhelmed with feeling, could only cry for things that were more than worth it.  Oneshot, Byakuya-centric.  ByaHisa, slight RenRuki.


FINALLY I'm getting around to doing a ByaHisa fic. Though RenRuki is my OTP, I really love these two. They make me cry T_T Regular lettering is present, three asterisks means it's going to flashback, italic letters are flashbacks, and the single line page breaks are time skips. Hope you enjoy!

Memories of Now

The shoji door was tentatively opened by tiny hands, after which the shuffle of small feet was apparent on the floor, and then a hard clap as the door was closed once again. Though he couldn't see her, he knew that her face must've a been a mask of nervousness, knew that she was playing with her fingers in an attempt to distract herself.

"N-Nii-sama," the petite shinigami managed to choke out before she lost her nerve. The noble turned his head to acknowledge her presence, noting that she stood on shaky legs rather than bowing. He internally smirked, glad that they were no longer on very formal terms.

"Yes, Rukia?" he asked, attempting to crack a bit of the cold mask which he was so accustomed to wearing and allow some emotion out in an attempt to show her that he did, in fact, care about what she was saying, and wanted to hear it.

This seemed to work, as the small girl cleared her throat and straightened up a bit, showing that her confidence had risen some.

"Thank you, nii-sama...thank you so much." she said softly, and her eyes followed the path that her voice had taken, as the fear and doubt that was shown in them was replaced by genuine gratefulness. Byakuya stood, turning fully to face her before slowly walking over to his sister. He was glad that he had removed his kenseikan and haori earlier, as now it was less of an exchange of formally adopted siblings engaging in a conversation, and more of a heart-to-heart between brother and sister.

Stopping before her, Byakuya looked down, and examined his sister's face for a moment before raising up a pale hand and resting it gently on her tiny shoulder. By now, the mask was gone entirely, as this was not a conversation in which he desired to hold any emotion back.

"Thank you's are not necessary in this respect, Rukia," he said. "I am simply allowing you to do with your life what you wish, and all walks of life are naturally entitled to that right, are they not?" Rukia seemed to think a minute about what he had said, processing the words fully, before nodding her agreement.

"If anything," continued the noble, "I am reaffirming my promise to Hisana. At this point I am in complete confidence that Renji would gladly lay down his life for you without a second thought, and that you would do the same for him. I can fully trust that the both of you will protect each other, and I hope with all of my being that you can both be happy." The words appeared to touch Rukia deeply, as even in the dim light, Byakuya could see the tears brimming in her large eyes, and the emotion they held. Surprisingly, she practically jumped forward, breaking from his light grip on her shoulder as she embraced him. He could feel moisture on his chest, signaling that she was crying, crying tears of unimaginable joy.

"Thank you so much," she repeated in a broken voice, and he rested his hand on her back.

"If you wish," he said, "You may go and spend the night with Renji, and let him know this." Rukia froze, and Byakuya could practically see the shocked look on her face, before he felt her smirk into his robes and then break away from him, running out the door happily and without a word, so fast that the only thing he saw before she disappeared from view completely was her joyful smile and brightly lit eyes. Byakuya simply smirked.

"_Byakuya-sama..." was the only sound he heard, the statement being said breathlessly as he lifted his head once again, returning from the most recent meeting of their lips. _

_He placed a hand gently on the top of her raven head, keeping it tilted so that he could gaze upon her expression, and smiled. Her eyes were in a state of entrancement, as if she had just awoken from a pleasant dream, or as if he had her under a magical spell. If anything, he thought, **she **was the one who had bewitched **him**. Keeping his hand where it was, he set it upon himself to memorize every feature of her lovely face, her dark, bottomless eyes and soft lips, and her pale face bathed in splendid moonlight._

"_Thank you," she said suddenly. His eyes widened in surprise, then narrowed in questioning at why she would utter such a thing. Sensing his obvious confusion, she elaborated._

"_For more things than I can ever count," she continued, choosing to start off of her first statement rather than repeating it again. "So many things you have sacrificed for me, given up all for my sake. Sneaking out like this and coming to all the way out to the Rukon nearly every night to visit me, when there are so many others you could choose over me, beautiful women with riches and status far above mine that you would have no trouble being with if you chose them." Her eyes seemed to reflect guilt for a moment, before she looked back up at him. _

_Slowly, he lowered his head once again, but this time he rested his chin on top of her skull before burying his face in her dark locks, taking in the intoxicating scent which was somehow as fragrant as spring flowers despite the rough life she had. He relished in the sensation of the tiny strands of hair tickling his cheek, and allowed himself to relax._

"_That may be the truth, my love, but there is one thing that will forever stay yours and yours alone, something that no one else could ever hope to have," he spoke tenderly, and Hisana couldn't help the blush that crept up her cheeks due to his loving words._

"_And what...would that be, Byakuya-sama?" she whispered almost inaudibly, resting her tiny hand on his shoulder. He smirked into her scalp._

"_You have the ability to melt and touch a heart which has been shaped and trained to show not a single emotion or falter in its cold demeanor," he replied. "You have the ability to allow a heart which has never been shown true, raw love to blossom and find it in another." Hisana's blush intensified as she felt his face lift from her head and move downwards to her own._

"_And that in itself," he finished, "Is much more than can be offered by any other, be it rich or poor, noble or commoner." His lips hovered just above hers, and gray and violet met in a lock of gazes which reflected love and tenderness._

"_Byakuya-sama..."_

"_Hisana..."_

_

* * *

_

Byakuya entered her room, to find that she had finished the preparations, and was ready to go out. Hearing the door open, Rukia turned to address her visitor, and smiled softly when she saw who it was.

"Nii-sama," she greeted him, as her arms went behind her back, one hand holding her thin wrist. Her wedding to Renji was not formal, or expensive, or elaborate, which was just the way the couple had wanted it. In accordance with this, Rukia's face was not painted white(she wore no makeup at all in fact), nor did she wear a headdress. She wore a simple, plain white kimono; it was her sister's actually, and she had asked for the privilege to wear it for her own wedding day, to which he had happily obliged. She also wore sandals, and her short raven hair was bound up with a single clip.

"How do I look?" she asked nervously, and Byakuya could see all the emotions on her face that he had felt on his own wedding day. Anticipation, excitement, happiness, fear, nervousness...too many feelings at once to count.

"You look very nice, Rukia," he replied, smiling at her. "Though it is not as much my opinion that counts as it is the one of the man waiting for you to appear outside." Rukia chuckled.

"I'll be surprised if that idiot doesn't faint before we get out there." Byakuya was surprised how, even in this state, Rukia was able to forget all else and take a sarcastic shot at the man she was about to marry. But though it astounded him, he knew that it was simply a result of their deeply rooted bond, and smiled at the thought that his sister and lieutenant truly did have a love that could overcome any obstacle.

"Well then, it would not be a wise choice to keep him waiting would it?" Rukia shook her head, careful not to messy her hair, and both siblings stepped out of the room so the wedding could commence.

"_You look beautiful," said Byakuya simply, startling his wife-to-be. She whipped around to face him, and it was obvious to see that the servants had left just minutes ago after finishing her makeup and hair. The family had demanded that they at least have a formal wedding which was "worthy of the noble house of Kuchiki", to which both had grudgingly agreed, though it was against their wishes. _

_As such, Hisana wore a kimono of pure white which was woven of the finest silk, and her face had been painted white all the way to ears, matching her garment. Her lips were the only thing that stood out, as they were a rich, bright shade of red that had been achieved by an expensive rouge. Her hair was done up with a plethora of fine ivory combs, but was covered by the headdress which was traditionally worn by a bride on her wedding day._

_The small girl frowned at her husband's sudden appearance. "It is bad luck to see me before we are wed," she protested, obviously disapproving of him breaking the tradition._

"_We have faced so much already," countered Byakuya, looking down at his beloved with a smile, "that a little more bad luck could do nothing to harm us. Do you not agree?" She huffed in frustration, which Byakuya found extremely adorable._

"_But is it still not a tradition, Byakuya-sama?" she asked, attempting to force him to admit his guilt._

"_Yes, it is a tradition," he began, leaning down so they were eye to eye. "But have we not broken many traditions already?" To this, Hisana could not argue, and the blush on her face was apparent even through the thick coat of white makeup she wore._

"_I suppose we have, yes..." Hisana briefly pressed her lips to his in a chaste kiss before taking his hand. Together, they walked out, both prepared to be legally bound together by wedlock._

_

* * *

_

Byakuya sat upright on the ground next to his extremely tired, yet extremely joyful sister as she held her newborn daughter close, arms wrapped tightly around the sleeping babe. Just minutes ago Rukia had been laboring to deliver the child, one hand intertwined in her husband's while the other had been held by himself.

Now she was propped up comfortably on some pillows, tucked into Renji's side while the both of them stared down lovingly at the new life. One of Renji's arms was around his wife while the other was helping her to hold their baby.

And again, Byakuya allowed his cold exterior to break, as he observed their pure happiness, observed the beauty of a new spark of life and hope entering the world. The noble couldn't help the small smile that graced his features as he realized that it truly was a wonderful thing.

Rukia looked up at Renji, and the two exchanged smiles of happiness. She readjusted herself a bit, being sure not to disrupt the newborn's slumber, and then held the child out to her elder brother. His eyes widened a bit in surprise.

"Do you want to hold her, nii-sama?" she asked softly. Her expression was warm and tender, and Byakuya also noticed that even Renji's face had a soft smile on it. He smirked.

"I would like that very much." Gently, he took the small child from her mother's arms, and gazed down at her small, peaceful face.

"Nii-sama," spoke Rukia suddenly. Said man tore his face from the baby and refocused his gaze on his sister. Her free hand now rested atop Renji's, and the couple was looking at him happily.

"We're going to name her something we decided on long ago for a girl," she continued, and it was obvious that both she and her husband were anxious for the announcement.

"Her name will be Hisana." Byakuya was shocked for a moment, and it showed plainly on his face, but then his features softened, and the well of emotions he felt inside was one whose magnitude he had not felt in over 50 years.

For the first time since his wife had passed, Kuchiki Byakuya felt like weeping.

"_Byakuya-sama?" asked Hisana, breaking the pleasant silence which had existed between the two just a moment ago._

"_Yes?" he replied, stealing a glance at his wife, as they strolled slowly through the blooming gardens of the Kuchiki manor. She bit her lip, face flushing somewhat as she thought of how to word her statement._

"_What is your opinion on children?" she asked him, and the noble quirked an eyebrow at her statement._

"_Hisana, are you with child?" Her blush deepened, and she practically had to blurt out,_

"_N-No, Byakuya-sama, it's just..." her gaze focused downward. _

"_What is it, Hisana?" he asked, purposefully softening his gaze more. Keeping her eyes on the ground, she continued._

"_What would you think...if we did have a child?" she asked him tentatively. Byakuya had never considered such things before, and he had to think for a moment to truly grasp his feelings on the matter._

"_I think that it would be something wonderful," he found himself saying. "It would be a nice thing, to have a child of one's own." He added, "But if we were to bring a life into the world, I fear that you would have to parent the babe, as I do not trust myself when it comes to things so close to the heart." Hisana smiled at her husband's joke, and then moved closer to his side, her hands gently grasping his arm._

"_I trust you in those aspects, Byakuya-sama," she whispered. "You would be a wonderful parent, I am sure. After all, you trusted yourself to marry me. That is all the proof I need to trust that you could raise a child of your own." Byakuya's lips curled into a smile at his wife's words, as he said,_

"_Well if that is the case, then I think I might be able to trust myself as well..." _

_

* * *

_

And that night, hours after his niece's birth, Byakuya did weep. Lying on his futon with an empty space beside him which was especially obvious that night, the one man in Soul Society who was known to have an exterior harsher than the wilderness of Rukongai, known to never show emotion even under the most heart-wrenching of things, wept. He wept out of sadness, joy, grief, and a number of other feelings. He wept for Hisana, for his sister, for his lieutenant...

And for all the years he existed, he would remember that night. He would remember it to remind himself that he was only a person, and at the end of the day, he could only weep when he was overwhelmed with a feeling, could only cry for things that were more than worth it. That night would be stored with all the memories he kept dear, be stored with every smile that had graced his wife's lips, every touch he had felt from her small hands...

And though she was long gone, Byakuya knew that he would never let her memory fade into darkness. No matter what happened, he would never stop loving her.

END

I really, really enjoyed writing this. ^_^ The ending was a bitch, though. _ I really tried to give the story a good sense of an ending without making it one of "those" endings, if you know what I mean. Please tell me if I succeeded. I don't own Bleach, Tite Kubo does, and I love and appreciate all opinions!


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